Out on DVD

The Men Who Stare at Goats (out 19 April 10, Cert. 15)

George Clooney, Ewan Mcgregor, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey, dir. Grant Heslov, 2009, cert. 15

MonkeyScore: 79%

When reporter Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor) encounters Lyn Cassady (George Clooney), he knows he has found a story. Cassady claims to be part of “The New Earth Army”, an experimental US Army unit of "special" soldiers - with powers ranging from the ability to read the enemy’s thoughts to passing through solid walls. Or as the title suggests killing a goat simply by staring at it. The New Earth Army founder Bill Django (Jeff Bridges) has gone missing and Cassady’s mission is to find him. Intrigued by the far-fetched stories, Bob impulsively decides to tag along for the ride.

The Men Who Stare At Goats is based on journalist Jon Ronson book - itself based on a his investigation uncovering the existence of Pentagon-funded "psychic" units in the US Army. Knowing that there is a reality grounding somewhere makes the film eminently watchable - what would be a fairly light-hearted affair becomes more sinister but no less hilarious. The film's most successful element comes from its perfect, if predictable, casting. Jeff Bridges plays Django as a variation of The Dude with his usual cool, while Mcgregor's neurotic reporter is spot on opposite Clooney's touched Cassady. Without giving anything away, Cassady explaining Jedi mind tricks to Mcgregor, a.k.a. Ben Kenobi, is pure genius. The Men Who Stare At Goats is totally bonkers - and not to be missed.

The Stepfather (out 19 April 10, Cert. 15)

Penn Badgley, Sela Ward, Dylan Walsh, Jon Tenney, Amber Heard, dir. Nelson McCormick, 2009, cert. 15

MonkeyScore: 35%

Michael returns home from military school to find his mother happily in love and living with her new boyfriend. As the two men get to know each other, he becomes more and more suspicious of the man who is always there with a helpful hand.

Sanitised beyond the call of duty this remake of Terry O'Quinn's 1987 gritty classic is as pointless as it is painful to watch. The plot bears more holes than the roads of a cash-strapped council after a nasty frost spell. For a thriller-slash-slasher wannabe this is a bit of a problem. The characters are sketchy at best, lacking basic motivations and never quite believable. If you're in the market to watch Amber Heard walking around in skimpy clothes you'll get your money's worth. If you pick up this film for any other reason, however, you may be sorely regretting it. A waste of perfectly good shelf space.

George And The Dragon (out 19 April 10, Cert. PG)

James Purefoy, Piper Perabo, Patrock Swayze, Michael Clarke Duncan, Bill Treacher, Simon Callow, dir. Tom Reeve, 2003, cert. PG

MonkeyScore: 39%

George (James Purefoy) returns to England from the Crusades. All he wants is a piece of land to call his own, and some peace and quiet. He agrees to help find the daughter of King Edgar (Simon Callow) in exchange for some acreage. Soon George finds out that in order to return Princess Luma (Piper Perabo), he will need to take on a dragon.

Knights films can be silly (Monty Python's Holy Grail, to name but one), and can even star American actors (like Dennis Quaid in Dragonheart.) Silly, however, needs to be at least a bit funny. Unfortunately, the most comedic elements of this George come from the casting department. Piper Perabo is no Robin Wright Penn, while Patrick Swayze as Garth is painful, however fond you may be of the late actor: the story, poor at best, is fatally wounded by its weakest links. There is one scene worth watching, however, between Michael Clarke Duncan's Tarik and Spanish gang leader El Cabillo, played by the excellent & uncredited Val Kilmer. This is hardly enough to keep you interested for the duration, though. George and The Dragon is such a disappointment that it would take some seriously misplaced national pride to overlook its faults.

Dance of The Dead (out 19 April 10, Cert. 18)

Jared Kusnitz, Chandler Darby, Carissa apobianco, Randy McDowell, dir. Gregg Bishop 2009, cert. 18

MonkeyScore: 68%

On the night of the big High-School Prom, the dead rise to eat the living, and the only people who can stop them are the losers who couldn't get dates to the dance.

First off: this is neither Zombieland nor Sean of The Dead! Now that we're clear, it's probably the next best thing. Dance Of The Dead is a proper zombie movie, with gore and torn body parts a-plenty. It's also funny, though not quite as much as its two illustrious role models. The real strong point of this film, though, is its cast: the production decided to go for a bunch of unknown teen actors rather than Hollywood starlets on the wrong side of 20. The result makes the film quite believable. If you believe in the undead, that is. And surprise, surprise, the kids can actually act. Isn't that refreshing? If you're just as bored as we are with the brainless onslaught of big budget teen movies - comedies or horror alike (no need to waste pixels here by naming names!) - Dance of The Dead is quite a bit of fun if your idea of fun comes with buckets full of fake blood!